I wonder if self-discovery is ever intentional. It seems more like something that just happens. The circumstances of life act upon us and we discover what we’re made of or who we are. Life is like a river cutting a canyon through the bedrock of our souls. But what I cannot decide is whether we are predisposed to the river carving certain twists and beds where it meets harder or softer rock, or whether our final appearance is determined by the course the river takes.

I am of two minds: first, it seems to me that we are all instilled with a personality that pervades throughout our entire existence and life slowly reveals it a little at a time. That is, we are sculptures already existing within the marble block, just waiting to be revealed. I believe this because I feel that certain qualities were instilled within me from birth. Even as a child my parents tell me I exhibited many of the same qualities I currently possess. In this case, I am what I am. I am unalterable in any appreciable way and as the river of life erodes deeper and deeper into the bedrock, it will expose that which was always waiting to be exposed. Self-discovery is simply a matter of waiting and watching.

But then again, my temperament has obviously changed over time. Day by day I feel that I have a better handle on my emotions, that I think differently this year than I did last year. I’ve become less cynical, more hopeful. I’ve been transformed by the renewing of my mind. In this case, I can be anything. I am a ball of wax that can be melted, molded. I can change color, scent, appearance. Opaque one day, transparent the next. I am change.

Whatever the case, I am a man of extremes learning to find moderation. I see black and white, and the world is grey. It needs not be one or the other. Maybe it is both. The river changes course and can encounter weak spots of rock which are more easily shaped. Does life reveal myself to me or create me? It doesn’t really matter.