Let us just be honest. None of us really has a sense of direction. "You are a mist that appears for a while and then vanishes." Whatever we do, we do it because we have been given a desire. Where the desire comes from is the significant part. Some desires we have are of the flesh, or the uncircumcised heart, or the body of death. This Law of Sin that is present within us is the root of all discord, and has only the power that we allow it. The more weight I ascribe to this Law, the stronger it is, and the more attractive it seems, and the deeper I am buried underneath it. This is my experience. Other desires come from the breath of life, or the sacred love, or the circumcised heart. This is the Law of the Spirit, from which, and through which, and to which we experience the sanctification of our lives and will experience the glorification of our bodies. It is the desires given to us by the Law of the Spirit that lead us to life, eternal life, in the fullest. What we obey is up to us.

Note: If this seems confused, contradictory, senseless, you may be onto something. I am trying to make it seem so. I am trying to embellish the sense of conflict this whole "Spiritual Mess" has left within me. And I am trying to practice speaking in terms and phrases and sentences that do not naturally lend themselves to being grouped together. And I am trying to eviscerate my thoughts so that they may be examined separately, and their connections made known. Bear with me.

I cannot fathom how I managed to miss all this. God’s sovereignty is shouted through His word and His creation and yet I have refused to see it. I have ignored it as though I had some measure of power that I might exercise over the circumstances of this world. I have complained about injustice and suffering as though my perceptions and definitions of such happenings were the standards by which the God of the Universe would be compelled to act. “Who are you, O man, to talk back to God?”

No. It cannot be so. As the serpent says, “You surely will not die.” It can’t be this way. I must be in control. I must decide what is just and unjust. Right and wrong must depend on my own intuitions. [Maybe this is the cause of all ambiguity and disagreement concerning moral reasoning?] Even now I feel this tension. I AM NOT GOD. But it is my desire to be that is the blackest part of me. It is not insulting my brother or the lustful look that marks me guilty. It is that urge to take God’s place that marks me a sinner.

But thanks be to God that His justice reigns and not mine. For otherwise I would obtain what I deserve. The only road to salvation is that I lay aside my view of justice and accept that God is in control. For if God subscribed to my view, I would surely perish. But with God as the ruler, He has decided to make known His Glory by preparing me, a vessel worthy of destruction, to be glorified through His Mercy and the sacrifice of His Son. “From Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the Glory forever!”

It seems we all become what we hate.