I guess if the past is a dead man, I'll always be performing CPR on him. It's gotten pretty disgusting lately, what with the rotting and decay, but I cannot let him go. Sure, sometimes I give up, stand up and take some steps away, but I seem to end up kneeling again aside the bloated carcass.

Even in my steps away he is what I'm thinking about. I'm thinking that no matter what the truth really is I will forever be deceived by myself and better off for it. Even if I can't run from my deficiencies I can at least hide. Perhaps they will catch me eventually, and so be it. But for now I will convince myself of the right things in just the right places.

I can't take a compliment. If it would help you understand I'd do it. But it won't, nothing ever will, so I don't try. It's not that I don't believe what you say, it's just I believe you to be mistaken. Everyone is wrong. Everyone's wrong about what matters and that's all that matters. I'll never really be the type of man I am. I am not anyone's type. Anyone is my type, and around and around and around. But it's not like I try. It's not like I try to be cryptic. It just is. I just am.

I've gotten pretty disgusting lately, what with the rotting and decay. Just wait until I mean it.