I am in Purgatory. I am being given the chance to really let go of my will and embrace the will of God. I do not want to do it. I want only what I want. I cannot see down the road. He can. I did not create myself. He created me. I have no other option but to surrender. I have to sacrifice this. I have to put it on the alter because it will quickly become between Him and me if I don't. Maybe I'm overspiritualizing this, but I don't have any other option. If I don't see this through a spiritual lense I will never surrender it. And I must. Not because of what she doesn't requite, but because of what He requires. In the past I was in Hell and had no choice in the matter. Now I have a chance to choose Him and step toward the denial of myself and sanctification. I keep asking why You gave these to me, now I know it was so I'd have something to give back.

I'm not sure if this will be like pulling off a band-aid or crashing a car. Either way, I don't want to look.

I need to get out, I need to get out.

Oh God, I don't want to get out.